A Child in the World of Romance
by allANN
Summary: Ashton is a new band member of Tegan and Sara's touring ensemble, and she has a crush on the tour manager. Tegan and Sara help Ashton realize her crush, and help her make a move on the tour manager.
1. Chapter 1

At the end of the first concert of their tour, Tegan and Sara bowed, then gestured to their guitarist as she bowed.

The girl had just turned 18, and was blond haired and blue eyed. She was tall, and her clothing was 100% androgynous. Her name was Ashton. She was the touring band's principle guitarist, as Ted's wife had just had a son, and he decided it was time he settled down.

The girl was a talented guitarist, but she didn't share the extent of her musical talent with the majority of the world. Tegan discovered Ashton's talent during the tenthish tour rehearsal. Whenever they had a break from practice, everyone went back to the trailer to hang out. Everyone except Ashton. She always joined the group about two hours after rehearsal had ended, when they were sitting down to dinner.

They had tried to find out what Ashton did, but whenever they hung around on stage after rehearsal, she politely excused herself to a different, unknown, location. No one knew what she did in her two hours, but it was a constant topic of conversation among them. So on the afternoon of their tenthish rehearsal, about a month and a half before the tour took off, Tegan decided to find out what the mysterious Ashton did in her alone time. Tegan acted like she was leaving with the others, but stopped before they walked out, and hid behind some equipment.

Tegan saw Ashton carefully checking to make sure no one was in the wings. Tegan smiled at Ashton's shyness. Then Ashton sat down, with her guitar on her lap, and began to play. Her fingers flew across the strings creating a haunting melody. Tegan was about to turn to slip outside, and share her discovery. But then she heard a voice. It was strong and unwavering, and it had a rock like quality, but mixed with an operatic beauty. It was unlike anything Tegan had ever heard. Then she realized she had never heard the song before, and began to listen to the lyrics. She soon came to the conclusion that Ashton had composed and written this masterpiece.

For the next hour, Tegan sat and enjoyed the music. When a ringing silence finally filled the theatre, and the sounds of Ashton putting away her guitar could be heard, Tegan stood. She walked out from behind the equipment clapping.

"Wow," Tegan said to the shocked girl.

"You...heard...did-you, uh...hear...everything...?" Ashton choked out turning bright red.

"Yeah, I did. Sorry. But it was fucking amazing. Why didn't you tell us you could sing?" Tegan asked.

"It's not really, uh, something I tell people. The only people who know are the people who find out like you did," she said, sort of jadedly.

"I am sorry for intruding, but you've got to sing for everyone. Can I go get them now?"

"No!"

Tegan looked shocked at her loud response.

"Sorry, I, ummm...I don't really-, I don't. I have, uh, stage fright," she finally got out.

"Ahh, I see," Tegan said, nodding. "Well, the only way to fix it is to face it."

"No, you don't understand. I have like really terrible stage fright. Like the 'I throw up kind of stage fright'," Ashton finished turning red.

"Well, could you sing for me? Only me?" Tegan tried.

"I could try, I guess."

"That's better than nothing," Tegan said getting comfy on the ground, preparing to be amazed.

Ashton took her guitar out of its case again. "Okay, well, here goes."

She started playing, and when the vocal entrance approached she tried to sing. But no sound came out. She tried again, but the fear was overwhelming her. She started hyperventilating, and getting dizzy. She didn't notice Tegan standing up, and moving to her side until she spoke.

"Easy, you're okay. I got you," Tegan murmured in her ear, lowering her to the ground. Tegan rubbed her back, like she was eight years old again.

When her breathing finally returned to normal, she began to turn red. "I'm sorry," Ashton murmured.

"Nothing to be sorry for. Want to try again?"

"Okay. I'm going to sit this time," Ashton said pulling her guitar over to her. She began to play, but again her voice wouldn't work. She felt a hand on her back, rubbing small circles into it, and she remembered when her older brother used to do that when they sang together. She tried again, and her voice worked. She sang a line, but on the last phrase her voice cracked and reality came crashing back in.

"It's beautiful, your voice I mean," Tegan said, turning to look at her. Ashton looked down, avoiding eye contact.

"Thanks," she muttered.

"Should we go eat?" Tegan asked breaking the silence.

"Yes," Ashton was famished, and she jumped at the chance to escape her current situation.

"So I'm going to listen to you everyday, okay? We're going to work on your stage fright. Then Sara can hear you," Tegan turned to Ashton, who looked on the verge of throwing up. "Hey, you've got to breath. It's just Sara. She's basically the same person as me. We have like 99.9% of the same DNA."

"I know," Ashton sighed.

A month later, Ashton's voice rang out over the fading chords of her guitar, and the theatre sank into silence.

"Wow," Sara said, "that was worth forcing you to be terrified of me for the last couple weeks."

Tegan laughed, "Agreed. One more song?" She begged hopefully.

"'Kay," Ashton's head tilted back down toward her guitar.

She was just about to start singing when she saw one of the stage hands that was set to tour with them, Hayley, holding some equipment and watching her from the wings.

She tore her guitar from her neck, and shoved it into a shocked Sara's hands sprinting towards the small bathroom in the theatre. Her retching sounds could be heard through the thin walls.

"Did she react that way the first time you snuck up on her?" Sara asked Tegan quietly.

"Nope. She's never thrown up with me before, but did you see who she was looking at?"

"No," Sara replied, "did you?"

"I did. Hayley."

"Huh. That's food for thought.." Sara trailed off as Ashton emerged from the bathroom, looking down at her shoes ashamed.

The girl slowly walked up to the stage, and sat down, refusing to make eye contact with the two sisters sitting across from her.

"Ash," Tegan said quietly, "what's the matter, buddy?" Tegan used the nickname she had come up with for Ashton, as in the last couple months the girl had become like a kid sister to herself and Sara.

"Nothing."

"Ashton, we both know that's not true. What's wrong?" When Tegan was met with silence she tried a different tactic. "Does it have to do with Hayley watching?"

Ashton stayed silent, studying the ragged material of her red high top converse.

"Buddy, look at me," Tegan said firmly, but gently. "Ash, look at me," she tried again. When no response came, she reached her hand out, putting it under Ashton's chin, forcing the younger girl's eyes up to meet hers. "Does it have to do with Hayley?" Tegan asked again.

Ashton's face turned a bright red, "No, it doesn't. Just leave me alone." She grabbed her guitar, and ran out of the theatre.

Sara, who had been sitting quietly during the entire exchange, finally spoke, "You think Ash has a crush on Haley?"

"Yup, but I don't know if she's out yet. Or if she knows it's a crush. I don't even know if she knows she's gay yet."

"Huh, let's go eat." As the two stood up, Sara spoke again, "This stays between us, yeah?" Tegan nodded, and they walked to dinner.

The next day at rehearsal, Ashton refused to make eye contact with either twin, unless no other option was available.

As everyone was leaving, Ashton was coiling up the cord of her amp when she saw Hayley bent over with her backside facing her way. She stared for a solid eight seconds before Tegan walked by and kicked her. Ashton glanced up, then down realizing what she had just done.

As the theatre was emptying out, Tegan called Ashton over to give her some notes from rehearsal. Seeing no alternative, the girl plodded over to Tegan. When Tegan was done, the theatre was empty. Ashton tried to leave, but Sara grabbed her wrist, surprisingly strongly for such a small person, pulling the guitarist down to the floor next to her. "We need to talk. The three of us," she said.

"And we need you to not run away, even if emotions get involved," Tegan added, sitting down next to Sara.

"Why?" Ashton said, slightly afraid of the direction this conversation was heading.

"We're not telling you why unless you agree to not run."

"That doesn't sound very promising," Ashton muttered crossing her legs, tailor-style. "Fine, I promise."

"Excellent, then let's get started," Tegan said excitedly. Privately, she was rooting for Ashton and Hayley to get together. "So, first off, oh, and you have to tell the truth, 'kay?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." Ashton grumbled.

"First off," Tegan began again, "why did you throw up yesterday?"

Ashton's face immediately turned beet red, and the girl quickly decided lying was worth a shot. She hoped beyond hope that neither of them remembered Hayley yesterday. "I started thinking about singing in front of you guys. Cause the song I sang first was pretty old, but the next song was more personal, and, uh, I start-"

"Stop," Sara cut her off. "You agreed to tell the truth remember? We all know that's not the truth. So try again."

"If you know I'm lying, then why don't you tell us?!" Ashton responded angrily.

"No, that's too easy. Try again," Sara said.

"Guys come on.." Ashton tried. She was met with two stony glares. "Fine, cause I saw someone else watching. Happy?!"

"Who was it?" Tegan pushed.

"It was Hayley," Ashton said quietly.

"And why did that make you throw up?" Sara asked.

Ashton tried lying again. "It could've been anyone, it was just that I wasn't used to singing in front of her, and she surprised me, so-"

Tegan interrupted her, "Ash, buddy, you agreed to tell the truth."

"How do you know that's not the truth?!" Ashton yelled, exploding from all the emotions in her. She wasn't used to emotions, and she did her best to avoid them at all costs.

"Cause you didn't throw up when I surprised you the first time I heard you sing, and it was basically the exact same situation," Tegan said quietly.

"Fuck you both," Ashton said.

"I politely decline that offer. Now, why did you throw up?" Sara said.

"Because I saw Hayley."

"And...?" Sara prompted.

"She makes me more nervous than most people," Ashton said, barely above a whisper. 

"Why's that?" Tegan asked. 


	2. Chapter 2

"I have no fucking idea."

"I think you do have a fucking idea. You just don't want to admit it to yourself," Tegan replied quickly.

"You guys are just fucking mind readers today aren't you?! Why am I even talking if you know what I'm thinking?!"

"How long have you known?" Sara asked, ignoring Ashton's jaded comment.

"How long have I known what?" Ashton sighed, annoyedly.

"That you like girls," Tegan stated bluntly.

"I don't, I just like, I mean, uh, it's a phase..?" She finished desperately.

"Buddy, it's not just a phase. How long have you been thinking about it?" Tegan said again.

"Two years," Ashton nearly whispered, after a long pause.

"Okay, so you like girls? Only girls? And it's not just a phase, right?" Sara stated all the facts.

"Yeah, I guess," Ashton replied hesitantly.

"Tell us yourself. Say it out loud," Sara encouraged quietly.

"I'm fucking gay. Happy?" Ashton said loudly, turning to Sara. Suddenly, a bang resounded throughout the theatre, an explicative was muttered, and the door was heard opening and closing. The blonde guitar player buried her head in her hands. "Tell me that wasn't who I think it was," she begged the sisters.

"Sorry, bud. It was exactly who you think it was," said Tegan, somewhat guiltily.

"Fuck, now she's going to think I'm some weak adolescent that can't even accept their sexuality, and is immature, and curses too mu-"

Sara cut in, "Why do you care so much about what she thinks of you?" The twin wanted to force Ashton to say it aloud again.

"You know why, Sare," Ashton mumbled, her head in her hands.

"No, we don't," Tegan joined in.

"She's pretty, and nice, a-, and she has a, a, ummm, she, nevermind."

"She has a what? Does it have something to do with what you were staring at during rehearsal?" Tegan teased.

Ashton ignored Tegan, and tried again, "she has a very nice, umm, she's, I, she's-" The girl sighed in frustration.

"I think what you're trying to say is she's hot?" Sara helped her out.

"And sexy?" Tegan added, smiling.

"Yeah," Ashton said so quietly, they barely heard her.

"You know Ash, you're 18, you can think someone's hot. And thinking about them in a sexual way isn't banned either..." Tegan trailed off.

"Tee, come on. Don't embarrass her too much. She only just started talking to us about this," Sara scolded her sister.

"Sorry, just saying-"

"Tegan," Sara warned.

"Okay, okay fine. Sorry."

"So, uhh, guys? What about the fact that she just heard everything I said?"

"Well think about why she would be listening?" Sara prompted Ashton.

"She was cleaning stuff up?" Ashton responded, confused.

"Try again," Tegan said.

"She, uh, she had to talk to you guys, and came in in the middle of the conversation and didn't want to interrupt?"

"Oh my god. This is going to be harder than I thought it would be," said Sara, face palming.

"Here, let me spell it out for you," Tegan said sarcastically. "She wanted to know if you like her!"

"Why would she want to know that?" Ashton was still confused.

"Wow! Romance really isn't your thing, is it?" Sara huffed, exasperatedly.

"No," Ashton mumbled, embarrassed at her lack of experience, that was causing her to miss something that seemed so obvious to her two friends.

Tegan, noticing Ashton's reaction, scooted across the floor, and pulled the younger girl into a side hug, "It's okay. We'll help you."

Sara began to explain why Hayley was listening in to them, "She wanted to know if you liked her because she likes you."

"No, she doesn't," Ashton muttered dejectedly.

"Ash, she does. She checks you out when you aren't looking," Tegan smiled a bit.

"Really?" Ashton spoke quietly, perking up a bit.

"Really," Sara said laughing.

"Let's go eat! I'm starved!" Tegan declared standing, and holding out a hand for Sara to get up with.

"Wait, what do I do about Hayley?"

"Just act the same as normal," Sara said as though it were the easiest thing in the world.

"Or do your best to act the same," Tegan corrected her sister.

"True, now that you know your feelings are reciprocated. AND you've accepted your feelings, you might get some butterflies," Sara said, nodding at Tegan.

"Guys, you forget. Nerves aren't really my thing. What if I throw up again?"

"You'll be fine, just stick with us, and if she comes over, we'll carry the conversation," Tegan reassured the less experienced girl.

"Okay, and guys? Thanks, for...for everything, ya know?"

"It's what we're here for, buddy," Sara said slinging her arm around Ashton's shoulders, and using Tegan's nickname for Ashton for the first time. Then three of them walked to dinner.

After finishing the encore on the night of their first concert Tegan and Sara walked off stage with the rest of their band. They packed up all their instruments, and loaded them into the tour bus they were taking around the US.

Tegan and Sara walked to the bus together, chatting about their first concert. Suddenly, Tegan nudged Sara, and pointed toward Ashton. The young girl was, yet again, openly marveling at their bent over stage hand/technical support/liaison/etc.'s backside, as Hayley loaded the bus. Hayley was the only non-band member who traveled with them as a tour manager of sorts, and dealt with all the technical, social, edible, and economic portions of their tour. Tegan quietly sidled behind the staring girl, and began coughing loudly and suddenly.

"Holy shit!" Ashton yelled stepping backward, then tripping on her untied shoelace, and falling hard. The young girl promptly flipped the hysterically laughing Tegan off, before storming into the bus.

Ashton spotted a seat beside Sara and slammed down. "Whoa, what's going on, bud?" Sara asked.

"Your fucking shit of a twin is going on."

"What'd she do?" Sara had seen the entire incident, but she decided to play dumb to stay alive. Although Sara thought the event was quite comical, she could also see Ashton's point of view. It was her first crush, or at least her first acknowledged crush, and she had just fallen hard on her butt right in front of Hayley.

"She made me fall, in front of...of, in front of Hayley," she finished very quietly.

"Ouch, I'll apologize on her behalf. Sorry. She can be kind of a dick sometimes."

"Yeah," Ashton huffed.

The bus drove away, and Ashton promptly fell asleep, as cars always lulled her to sleep.


End file.
